"Fast R" Ranch & Cattle Co

Head Honcho of “Fast R”

I am the proprietor, the boss, the head honcho and ‘above all that, the owner and CEO of this here “Fast R” ranch and cattle company.Hey there y’all. I’m known as Jingle Bob. I am the proprietor, the boss, the head honcho and ‘above all that, the owner and CEO of this here “Fast R” ranch and cattle company. I built this place from the ground up and the sky down. My only drawback has been this character I call “Injun”. In the beginning all he ever said was,” I am Single Feather…This is my reservation!”. Heck!. A thorn in my britches is what he is. Despite that crazed Injun, I have been able to put together quite the crew, although they are collectively a whole fruit cake, I call that fruit cake the “Fast R-ranch hands.”
I think the best thing for me to do is allow each character…Oops I mean hand. To introduce themselves…as I am a businessman and just don’t don’t have time for all that. Thank you for your time! 

Jingle Bob's Boy

Howdy folks I'm Tie Bob. You guessed it. I am The son of Jingle Bob. Got this here pigg'n string when I was 6 days and 4 hours old. Took awhile get used to this thing, but now it has become a natural part of me. It is locked and loaded 24/7. If something moves it is fair game and gett'n tied down for sure. Had a few complaints from all the hands 'round here, no matter this thing is on autopilot. So if you come 'round here…Don't you dare move a muscle, you might be my next victim.

Used to be best bowl legged bronc stomper!

Hey! Don't you be laugh'n at me!. Haven't you ever seen a bowl legged cowboy before?. Not to this extreme you say, well ok, but let me 'splain. I was once the best bronc stomper in these here parts. A neighbor brought me a colt to stomp, said good luck on his way out. That sucker bucked so high I could see over the outhouse. They say what goes up must come down and I did. Hard and square, dead on the saddle horn. Since I walked out that hospital, I have never been the same. I even have to have my boots made special. If'n you need a colt stomped. Don't ask for Horn A. Plenty…ain't happen'n!

Love my BIG Chaps!

Hang on, hang on!. Let me get this dad blamed hat out of my face. Probably a good thing I got it though…could be my nose bent all over my face. Ok there ya' are. Anyway, I've been like this all my life. Been wear'n my chaps way too big and way too long since I can remember. You think I would fix the problem, heck what fur?, keeps slowed down, doi'n ranch work could use a little slow'n down. Sides that I'd have to buy a new hat!

Czar of mental wellness and happiness!

Hired by Jingle Bob himself

Hello all gentlemen! I am the Ho Lee Cow! I was hired on by Jingle Bob himself. He had a need to ratchet up the attitude 'round this joint. Well, he certainly came to the right woman for that. I was given the title…Czar of mental wellness and happiness! I am not from this country. Back east is where I was born. Brought with me some help when I came, Tall Belle to be exact. She agreed to all this site unseen, bless her heart. Since I been of the business position, I found need for one more team member that would be Tur Quoise. She came with an already established clientele from several reservations 'round here. Together we have more fun 'round here than that lawdog Big Iron can handle. Stop by if ya get a chance, heck! stay awhile.

I am a serious woman to say the least.

Serious Woman

I am a serious woman to say the least. Yep, I be Tall Belle and you're look'n at her. There will be no whistl'n or carry'n on. I am a serious woman to say the least. I came here with the Ho Lee Cow, for one reason and one reason only…I want to be famous. Heck! When the history of the old west is properly documented you can bet your sweet… donkey, I will be on top of the heep!. Heck I may be the most famous woman to ever tame the old west. So, if you have a mind to visit our little happy wagon. Bring your most polite self as you will be in the presence of royalty. Yep, I be Tall Belle!.

Discovered by Jingle Bob

Warning!..my intro may need parental guidance or whatever. I was lost on the prairie when Jingle Bob discovered me. He rode up to me and just looked down from his horse, I'm sure his thoughts were …what the heck is that?. Took a while of talk'n to convince him I was a human, a little different but a human non the less. All he said was … if you can follow me back to headquarters you got a home. Upon arrival at headquarters I was awarded a safety orange hat and flag, and the name Plop Wilson. At first I rejected the flag. After being trompled in the sort'n pens, I can see Jingle Bob's theory behind the orange flag…that's why he gets the Big bucks!.

Camp Cook

Was quite the cowboy in my day. So, me and a cowboy friend of mine. Gathered up a herd of steers…well two head to be exact. All four of us headed out on a cattle drive to Dodge City. I reck'n 'bout the halfway point we ran into a little bad luck in the form of a storm driv'n stampede!. In the midst of all the ruckus I got trampled. Bent my knees plum backward. Been look'n toward the sun ever since. Well Jingle Bob felt sorry for me and hired me on as camp cook. Been fortunate all these years, ain't had no complaints 'bout the grub. Heck, I haven't seen a meal I prepared since I was hired on!. Ohhh…If ya need some cater'n call 575 HOT MEAL. Many thanks.

Trip's Boy

Since I was born, I been watch'n my dad fall flat on his face. After the first time I bloodied my nose and ruined my hat… I just had E. Nuff of that!. So I went to the Ho Lee Cow for some tailor'n. She whacked off my chaps 'above the knee and I've been good ever since. Call it what ya want… I just had E. NUFF. , of that way of think'n. Sides that, I can't afford a new hat myself.

Sweetest Thing Found

I am the sweetest thing ever found on these reservations. Stop the drums!...I said stop the drums!. That's better. Now, allow me to introduce myself. Tur Quoise is my name. I am The sweetest thing ever found on these reservations. That includes that sugar brought by those pilgrim settlers. Anyway, I was recruited by the Ho Lee Cow as I was a natural so to speak. Well, with my list of credentials and clientele that are longer than the Rio Grande river…heck it was a perfect fit for both us. Hey! Stop by if you're pass'n thru. A little fry bread and some fine sipp'n whiskey never hurt nobody.

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